Hi, I am Olivia. Olivia Ansah, head of external relations at Abriwaa Ghana, a book publishing and marketing company, oh and founding member.
I don’t mind at all that you’re an up and coming teacher, that you don’t have a penny to your name, and that we’ll have to struggle a bit to get you on your feet. I don’t mind that you don’t have a house-yet. I do, and i won’t be bossy about it if that’s your fear.
I turned 35 last month, and my mother has been bugging me for close to 10 years to get married and give her grandchildren. Honestly, i don’t understand her. If i could get a husband to fit in my schedule, wouldn’t i have one? Hmm. Old as she is, she wants to carry her grandchildren at her back and sing them lullabies. She wants to feel the smoothness of their infant skins against the rough of hers. She wants grandchildren! Before that though, i need a husband. It’s hard getting one when you’re as rich as i am, and living proof that,”in the chest of a woman is not only an extension of the breast and a feeble heart, but a flaming desire to possess and use power.” Well it shouldn’t be so hard, if that’s all there is to me. You men don’t want damaged stuff, but aside my pretty and damaged exterior is inadequacy and damage through and through. I’m going to get married to you with a lot of baggage, and you’ll need more than a bell boy to help me.
I cannot cook. Honestly. I was too busy as a child chasing academic honors and winning prizes, to learn culinary skills from my mother. I can make oats though and fry eggs and make sandwiches.
The second problem is, i keep quite a messy house. I do machine laundry, so don’t expect me to use my hands to wash for you. Oh and you’ll have to be scrubbing the bathroom yourself if you so desire. If not, we could get a house help. That’s fine or?
Furthermore, i love my cats. Lincoln, Washington, Bush, Roosevelt and Mansa are priority in my life, but i need a husband, so you could take second place. When i leave you alone at home with them, please make sure to feed them and don’t dare poison them, or i’ll have your head. Hah! just kidding. No, I’m not.
There’s one last hitch. You’ll probably be praying, “Lord please, let her at least be a virgin. Maybe i could deal with that.” Sorry. I’m going to have to burst your bubble, because i’m not. You see, if there was an auto heal mechanism in man that could unmake sexual abuse, i would be whole and pure again. That doesn’t happen though, and i still have the scars. Physical and psychological. I’m a little, no maybe a lot, paranoid, and intimacy is kind of a no go area, but my mother wants the babies, so i’ll manage. I always do.
Don’t ask me about Artificial Insemination. I could also pick that if i so desire. I have the money. Annoyingly, my mother wants her grandchildren to have an ever present father. She wants them to know him as flesh and blood and not as some runaway or uncaring person. So let’s reach an agreement; we get married and stay married for 5 years and get a divorce, or i pay you yearly? Your choice.
After all this, the million dollar question remains…..